80%

A study out of The Netherlands estimates that 80% of Aspie-NT marriages end in divorce.

That is a huge challenge to be up against. And looking on the internet for support hasn't been very promising. Most of the advice I encountered amounted to:

"Get out now while you still can."

But in the face of this evidence, I'm still hopeful we can make this work.

First, I'm a scientist. I haven't been able to get my hands on the original study, but I bet there's some ascertainment bias in the selection of the couples. Since Asperger's has only been something you could be diagnosed with since 1994, pretty much every Aspie over 25 is undiagnosed. Unless they have a child on the Autism spectrum, which anecdotes suggest is the most common path to diagnosis in Autism in adults. My guess is the majority of couples in this study have a child on the Autism spectrum, which already predisposes them to divorce. An Asperger's diagnosis could also come up in the course of marriage counseling, thus the couples in this study may have had more severe marital issues. All and all, I doubt that the study is generalizable to all Aspie-NT marriages.

Second, we've only been married three years. In that time, we've moved, changed jobs, started school, lived apart -- we haven't really had the chance to create the marriage we want. Currently, Brock and I live in separate states -- far enough apart that we need to take planes to visit each other. When we are able to live in proximity again, it will be like starting over.

Third, both of us are willing to work hard for what we want in life. We've always wanted a marriage where both parties flourish. The next step is execution.