Flowers for Priscilla

Elvis created a routine making sure Priscilla
always has fresh flowers.

My friends Priscilla and Elvis are also NT-Aspie couple. In addition to being a brilliant Aspie, Elvis is also an addict (no word about fried peanut butter and banana sandwiches). Despite adding the challenge substance abuse to a  neurodiverse marriage, their marriage is working swimmingly. I asked  Priscilla why things are going so well.

"It's because of my previous marriage," says  Priscilla . She married young and divorced young. This experience caused a major growth in character.

"I realize now that people come whole, not in slices."  Priscilla  accepts completely both the good things about Elvis and the challenges.

"I'm also more focused on results than process." To illustrate this, she gives the example of flowers.

"When we first started dating, I told Elvis I really liked fresh flowers. He bought me flowers and then every time they die, he replaces them with fresh ones. Before I would have gotten hung up on the routine -- because they weren't a spontaneous gift I wouldn't accept them as a symbol of love. But now I'm just happy I get flowers. Results!"

I need to change my thinking about Brock. I'm coming to the realization that it is unfair to ascribe the thought process of an NT man to an Aspie man. I would love to get "I love you" texts from Brock during the day so I would know he was thinking about me. But Brock would never think to do this spontaneously, it would have to be routine. But the routine would diminish the meaning... This is the wrong thinking. I have to understand that just because something is routine doesn't make it less loving. In fact, creating a routine that only benefits the partner may be the way that an Aspie man shows his love.